


Incandescence

by serinwriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel/Human Relationships, Awkward Romance, Boys In Love, Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Emotions, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Romance, Season 13 Castiel and Dean Winchester Reunion, Sexual Tension, Telepathy, True Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22227139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serinwriter/pseuds/serinwriter
Summary: Season 13, after Cas has been found alive.  Dean's on edge and goes out for a night drive. Cas accompanies him...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Incandescence

Dean was feeling antsy as he sat fiddling with his keys at the desk of their room in the Stampede Motel. His excitement about arriving in Dodge City was still buzzing through him, and he knew that was certainly part of it. 

He felt somewhat satiated after the generously-portioned mixed grill they’d eaten a short while ago. But even taking the to-die-for cherry pie into account, he was still on edge. He wasn’t entirely sure why, he just knew he needed to get some air before he could finally hit the hay. He stood up abruptly, clutching the keys to the Impala, and grabbed his jacket. 

‘You’re going out again? Now?’ Sam asked incredulously, raising his eyebrows in surprise, ‘Dean, come on, it’s late. You need to rest.’

Sam had been relieved to see a change in his brother’s mood since they’d found Cas alive again, and driven to Dodge. Cowboys were Dean’s childhood heroes, after all. But still, the tall younger brother worried about him. He knew his older brother was still torn up about their mother, for one thing, although Dean being Dean, meant he was grimly soldiering on regardless. 

The shorter brother put his jacket on and turned to look fondly at Sam.

‘Dude, it’s ok. I won’t be long. The fresh air will help me sleep.’

Cas could sense Sam’s concern, and knew how reckless Dean could be. 

‘I’d be happy to go with you, Dean, if…?’ 

The angel turned his deep blue eyes to the hunter, who stared at him briefly before swallowing, 

‘Er, yeah, sure, Cas, why not?’

The green-eyed man then gave him a flash of a smile, almost shyly, before heading purposefully out of the room. 

Cas hesitated, glancing towards Sam and Jack, who declared enthusiastically, 

‘It’s ok, I’m binge-watching this new fantasy show. It’s epic!’ 

Sam laughed and nodded at Cas. 

‘We’ll be fine, Cas. You go keep an eye on my brother.’ 

Please, he mentally added. He knew Cas could sense the unspoken word in his eyes anyway. 

‘Always,’ Cas assured him solemnly before hurrying out of the door. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The sky was so clear that night, you could literally see for miles and miles. The skyline seemingly went on forever, and the moon glowed like a giant luminous ball above them, lighting the road ahead. Neither Dean nor Cas said anything as the car twisted its way through back country roads, both apparently content to just drive. 

Finally, Dean found a spot he liked, and turned into a farm track leading into the middle of a field. There was not a barn, building or soul anywhere in sight, and the sound of cars on the main road was now a distant echo. 

‘Ah, this is it,’ he sighed, speaking to himself as much as to Cas. Once he’d gotten his baby to the centre of the field, he switched the engine off. 

‘Cas, this is it, right here, man,’ he said contentedly, and promptly got out. 

Cas, puzzled, immediately got out as well. 

Dean leant against the side of the car and looked up at the vast black carpet of glittering constellations above them. He closed his eyes and breathed in the crisp night air. 

‘This is the medicine.’ 

He exhaled deeply, and for a moment nothing could be heard except the ins and outs of Dean’s relaxed breathing, and some distant nocturnal birds. 

Cas had moved next to him, cautiously positioning himself a good foot or so from him, not wanting to be accused of invading the hunter’s personal space yet again. The angel really had no idea what Dean was talking about, but he waited patiently before interrupting the silence. Then he asked quietly, 

‘What medicine, Dean? Are you sick?’

His eyes looked very dark in this light, more black than blue, but they were filled with a mixture of genuine concern and confusion. 

‘Huh! You bet! Good one, Cas,’ Dean chuckled, opening his eyes now and turning them to the field and landscape beyond. 

Cas really didn’t get the joke, if there was one. He’d given up trying to fully understand the human’s sense of humour a long time ago. Still, it was always reassuring to know when he was in a good mood. 

Though he knew that any number of things could be troubling Dean at this moment, he felt ill-equipped to help him resolve any of them. As a divine warrior, Cas had always felt he was better at action, rather than words. Still, he tried his best to be a good friend to the hunter, and offered advice and assistance whenever he could. 

‘Uh, Dean… I’m here to listen, if there’s something on your mind?’ he volunteered hopefully. 

‘Thanks, Cas,’ the lighter-haired brunette shifted slightly and looked at his feet. 

‘Is it… your mother?’ The angel’s deep voice rumbled gently, in-keeping with the peaceful setting. 

Dean put his hands in his pocket and crossed one leg over the other.

‘Sammy thinks there’s a chance she may still be alive over there. He’s keeping the faith for me.’ 

He glanced at Cas ruefully for a second, then dropped his gaze again. 

‘You have none yourself?’ 

Sometimes the tenderness and care conveyed in the timbre of the trench-coated man’s voice could really affect Dean, especially if he was feeling raw, as he was now. That was part of the reason for this night excursion, after all. 

He and Sam had been on a real rollercoaster of a ride lately, and he was finding the quietude of this place calming. He knew his brother would understand. Put simply, Dean felt overwhelmed. He knew it wasn’t healthy for anyone to lurch from one traumatic experience to another without having time to process. But their lifestyles didn’t really allow for that. He just needed to give himself a moment, then he’d be right as rain again. Well, almost. Maybe. 

Realising the angel was still waiting for him to respond, he looked across at Cas’ earnest face. He couldn’t lie to him. 

‘I, er, lost it there for a while,’ he admitted.

‘I’m sorry, Dean,’ Cas nodded regretfully, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. Then he paused before asking, ‘And now?’

He turned his typically intense gaze back to Dean. The hunter held his gaze briefly, before looking away, feeling a sudden mixture of embarrassment, shame and guilt. Considering his mother was who-knew-where, likely dead, and things were far from perfect, he should never be feeling surges of joy, hope and delight shooting through his body periodically. Ever since he’d set eyes on Cas standing by that phone booth, a voice inside him had wanted to shout to the skies, 

‘Cas is back! He’s back!! He’s ALIVE!!! Hallelujah!!!’ 

Sam would think he was nuts. And as for Cas (oh, Cas…), what could he possible say? There simply weren’t the words. 

‘Um…’ he began. Then he cleared his throat and tried again, ‘Uh, Cas…’

The angel noticed Dean seemed a bit agitated, and moved closer, pressing his hand into the man’s shoulder encouragingly. Whether he’d realised it or not, he was actually pressing on the same shoulder he’d gripped to release the hunter from Hell, and Dean started slightly at the touch. Cas let go immediately, and rest his hand lightly on the Impala instead.

‘I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to…’

The blue-eyed man’s brow was crinkled in concern. But he had nothing to apologise for. Although he knew he probably shouldn't, the human welcomed his touch. 

Suddenly it was all too much. Dean knew he had to say or do something, while they had this moment, whilst it was just the two of them. More importantly, while they were both currently not dead. An idea came to him.

‘Cas… about your mind-reading ability? Well, I was wondering if…’ he trailed off. Was he really going to do this?

The angel blinked in surprise. 

‘Yes?’ he asked.

‘Well, I… have some things I want you to know… about me… but I’ve never found the right time or the right place or the right words to say them. Basically, I’ve been a total coward…’

‘Dean…’ Cas tried to interject, to remind The Righteous Man that he was many things, but definitely not a coward. But the hunter was having none of it. 

‘So much has happened, Cas. So much.’

The green eyes were looking directly, fiercely, half-sorrowfully into the angel’s deep blue ones now. Cas stayed silent, waiting, his hands flat against the smooth black metal behind him. 

‘We’ve both died, or been good as dead, several times now. I still can’t believe you’re here, man. I just can’t believe it!’ The hunter’s lips seemed to quiver slightly, but it may have just been a trick of the light, 

‘We can’t keep getting resurrected forever.’

Cas watched him intently, not moving. 

‘So, Cas… I want you to read my mind for a minute or two, ok? It’s hopefully easier this way. God knows I’ve made a mess of it so far. But whatever happens, whatever you see, I want you to know we’ll still be buddies afterwards. I mean, if that’s alright with you?’

Dean had said all of that in a rush and was slightly breathless by the end of it. He was by now incredibly nervous and sweating a bit. He needed to get a grip. How many more chances was he going to get? 

The angel’s eyes had shot up at his request. 

‘You want me to…?’

‘Yes, Cas, just do it!’ Dean snapped impatiently, then relented and added in a softer tone, ‘Please?’

Cas studied the human’s features for several seconds, before acknowledging that the hunter did really mean it. 

‘Ok,’ he said finally. ‘But if you feel the slightest pain… I mean anything at all, you must tell me to stop, and I will.’

‘Agreed,’ Dean nodded and closed his eyes. ‘Ready when you are, man.’

The angel stepped right up to Dean, who had settled comfortably against the side of the car again, and lightly touched two fingers to Dean’s forehead. The area where the tips of his fingers met Dean’s skin began to glow a soft golden light, and Cas also closed his eyes, concentrating. 

His mind was instantly met with a multitude of powerful clear images, and he deftly scanned and studied each one carefully before moving on to the next. He soon discovered that they all seemed to be flashbacks to times when the hunter was feeling strong emotions towards… him. Cas felt the pulse in his vessel quicken at the realisation, and became aware that the human’s heart was also beating at a faster rate than it had been seconds ago.

The two of them hadn’t tried much – if any - telepathy before, but Dean appeared to be naturally skilled at it. The images and memories he showed Cas were not only vivid, but sentient. Cas was, for once, fully able to experience exactly what Dean had felt at those moments, to the same depth of feeling that the human had experienced them at the time. 

The angel was transfixed. 

He both saw and felt the hunter’s sense of awe towards him, as an Angel of the Lord. Dean felt complete and utter gratitude towards him for raising him from Hell. And even at times when Case had been low on grace, or lost his wings, or become human, Dean was still in awe of him. Apparently the hunter remained in awe of him, even now. Cas felt something stir inside his chest, but couldn’t place it.

He moved on to scenes where Dean had been frustrated or angry with him, and these were more difficult to stomach. He hadn’t realised how much emotion Dean had felt when he’d turned away from Cas with his fist in his mouth that time, after Cas had asked him to trust in him and his plan to swallow all the souls in Purgatory in order to defeat Raphael. 

And he felt nothing but shame and remorse when he re-lived the moment when he’d beaten the crap out of the human, after Dean had indicated his intention to say yes to Michael that first time. But strangely Dean hadn’t seemed to blame him or hate him. Oddly, the man had actually liked being backed up against the wall for some reason, at least, initially. 

Cas was perplexed. He dived deeper into the images the hunter was giving him the privilege of sharing, searching for clarity.

He keenly felt Dean’s absolute delight at finding him alive in Purgatory, swiftly followed by his heart-wrenching disappointment at the angel’s lack of enthusiasm about leaving that plane with him. 

It was clear now that the words, ‘I need you,’ on that occasion, and on the later one when Naomi’s mind control had almost made Cas kill Dean, and the hunter was kneeling before him, had been deeply and entirely heartfelt. 

The angel felt the sensation in this chest intensify, and realised his true form was seeping slowly out of his vessel, making his whole body start to shimmer intermittently. Alarmed, he opened his eyes for a split second to see if he was causing Dean any harm, but the human didn’t seem to be in any pain. 

Cas shut his eyes again, and endeavoured to keep himself under better control. What was wrong with him?

The images that followed were a mish-mash of all the times when he, Dean, and sometimes Sam had shared a joke together, and when they’d hugged each other, or called him buddy or better still, family. The word resonated very powerfully with the hunter, and Cas felt it reverberate especially strongly within himself now as well.

These images contrasted starkly with the ones of Dean looking at Cas on the occasions when the angel was either dead or dying. Cas hadn’t been able to see in real-time the way Dean had tenderly cupped his face before saying in bewilderment, ‘He’s gone, Sam,’ after Cas had been stabbed by April, the reaper. 

The angel felt undeniably moved by this. But this was nothing compared to how he felt when he saw Dean watching his vessel’s body burn on the pyre after he’d been murdered by Lucifer. In all his time on Earth he didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone look so devastatingly sad. His heart ached. Why had Dean wanted him to see all this?

Suddenly the memories began to fade away, until just one – a very recent one – remained: Dean staring, speechless for a second, as the trench-coated angel turned around by the phone booth and looked him straight in the eye. As the Dean of the memory went forward to clasp Cas in his arms, this time the angel acutely felt the immense happiness coursing through the hunter. It was almost overwhelming. 

Presently, that image faded too, and Dean shifted slightly and opened his eyes. Cas took that as a cue to drop his fingers from the human’s head, and opened his eyes also. The first thing he noticed was that the hunter was trembling. 

‘Dean, what’s the matter? Are you alright?’ the angel asked sincerely.

‘I – I’m good,’ the human looked slightly flushed. ‘What about you? You’re lighting up there a bit, y’know, buddy.’ He gave Cas a lopsided half-grin. 

Cas was astonished to find he was indeed now glowing a lot more than he had been earlier, but thankfully not at full blinding capacity. 

‘I, uh… think it must be because of your memories…’

‘Y’think?’ Dean’s heart jumped in his throat. He wondered if the somewhat clueless angel had finally, finally understood. 

‘Mmn,’ Cas nodded, not quite sure how to proceed. He felt honoured that Dean had chosen to share some of his deepest experiences with him. But of all the images The Righteous Man could have chosen to share with him, he’d specifically chosen those which portrayed scenes of high emotional intensity between himself and the angel. 

Meanwhile, Cas was trying not very successfully to calm down, and prevent his true self from bursting any further out of his vessel. Some higher, wiser, core part of him was insisting, however, that it was important that his angelic form merge and blend more visibly with his vessel tonight (without actually incinerating it, or harming Dean), than it ever usually did. He decided to trust in that, although by now his heart was beating wildly, and it was unnerving him. 

Dean was watching him, a little anxiously. 

‘Cas… do you finally get it?’ he asked. 

‘Dean, I could feel everything you felt. I mean, really, truly, deeply. I think it’s, uh, affected me.’ 

The angel gestured to himself, smiling self-consciously. His body was glowing brightly with a steady white-golden luminescence now, but you could still make out Jimmy Novak’s features through the sparkling, shimmering effect that was continuously sweeping over them. 

Dean hardly dared breathe. 

‘Cas, you affect me. You always have. Our profound bond, I guess, huh?’ he chuckled nervously. 

‘But, Dean, why those memories? They were nearly all just you and me.’

‘Oh, Cas. That’s the point. I wanted to show them to you because…’ 

He faltered. You can’t chicken out now! his brain was screaming at him. But his courage was failing him. He just couldn’t say it with words. 

‘Oh, for crying out loud!’ he exclaimed, exasperated. He grabbed the angel’s fingers again, which were now pulsing and glowing, and placed them back on his forehead. 

‘Quickly, Cas. Again, just for a second. I can’t say jack with words.’

Cas widened his eyes, and once again scanned the human’s mind. This time he was presented not with images or flashbacks, but with pure thought and emotion. 

‘Cas, best friend, buddy, Angel of the Lord, family… forgive me if I’m way out of line here, but… you mean so much to me. You matter so much. Don’t you dare die on me again!!! I won’t be able to bear it next time. I need you, man. I need you. I’ve never, ah, felt this way about anyone. I’m totally blown away by you….’ 

His train of thought was suddenly interrupted by an intense, warm, almost electrical feeling penetrating his body and mind. He was half-afraid to open his eyes. The fingers had disappeared from his head, but a tingling hand was now caressing one side of his face instead. 

‘It’s ok, Dean. I won’t hurt you. I’ve got myself under control now. I figured out what’s happening to me.’

Shaking slightly, Dean gingerly opened his eyes to see the ‘face’ of Castiel superimposed over Jimmy’s. It was pure light, shimmering, and continuously sparkling, alive with energy. 

His eyes were glowing that bright blue they became whenever the angel was activating his grace more powerfully. But it was his mouth that captured Dean’s attention most. The golden luminescent lips were open in the widest, happiest smile the hunter had ever seen. The angel looked overjoyed. 

‘Dean… I understand now. I… feel the same. In fact I’m feeling so much love for you, that I can’t fully suppress my true form right now. I’m simply too… over-energised, you might say.’

Dean was both dumbstruck and awestruck, and by now, unquestionably aroused. There was such an intense charge between them. 

‘W-what should I do?’ he managed to stutter.

The angel smiled, his eyes shining electric blue. 

‘Whatever you would normally do in such a circumstance. Whatever you would like to do. This is unchartered territory for me, too.’

Dean could’ve sworn Jimmy’s cheeks took on a faint blush underneath all that angelic shimmering.  
‘But I thought… you and April…?’

Castiel laughed and in his present state, the sound took on a slight musical tone.

‘That was when I was human. I’ve never shared love as an angel. Not like this. I, er, never had occasion.’

It was Dean’s turn to laugh then. Cas’ words brought back the memory of the hunter’s failed attempt at getting Cas laid at the brothel all those years ago. 

‘Oh, Cas,’ he sighed. 

He’d wanted this for so long. He never thought it would happen. Didn’t think he was worthy. Didn’t think Cas could possibly ever return his feelings. Didn’t think it was allowed. And yet, here they were. Castiel, incandescent, over-the-moon and practically overflowing with angelic radiance, and Dean standing, weak-kneed, beside him, trembling like a leaf with the force of his own emotions. What were they waiting for? 

Resolved at last, Dean turned to fully face Castiel, licked his lips, and pressed his mouth gently into the sparkling, glowing ‘lips’ of the angel, which, on contact, melded into the warm lips of his vessel. 

Castiel gasped, then kissed the hunter back urgently, without hesitation. It felt like nothing either of them had ever experienced before. Their energies merged and created something new that shot like quicksilver through both their bodies. 

Dean had never been so desperately turned on in his life. He was incapable of holding back a groan. 

Castiel was in the same predicament, it seemed. 

‘Oh, Dean,’ he moaned audibly. 

The sight of this beautiful angel, enraptured, was too much for the hunter. Wasting no further time, he stepped in as close as he could, pressing himself fully into Castiel, before wrapping his arms tightly around him, as golden waves of energy swept over both of them. 

‘Ohhh…!!’ Castiel gasped at the new proximity, brushing one hand through Dean’s hair, and using his other arm to draw the hunter in until there was no space between them anymore. The shimmering and sparkling went up a notch as the vibrations quickened. He felt like he was going to burst. 

‘Hush, Angel. Let me take care of you,’ Dean whispered into his neck, before kissing Castiel properly this time, undoing his shirt buttons skilfully as he did so….

‘Ohhh…!’

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

An old guy walking his dog in the next field was momentarily distracted by a flash of something bright out in the field. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, but it was gone. For a second though, he could’ve sworn he saw two ‘golden men’ completely entwined and oblivious to the world. He even imagined he’d heard one of them cry out. 

Now, however, there was just a car and a couple of figures embracing in the moonlight. There still seemed to be a soft eerie sort of glow emanating from one of them, but in all the years he’d lived in this remote corner, there’d never been any sightings of aliens, and he wanted to keep it that way. 

He wasn’t about to start any rumours now, so he quietly whistled to his dog, then turned tail and headed back the way he’d come. He was determined to put his ‘vision’ down to some over-ripe cheese and an old homemade wine he’d found at the back of the cupboard earlier that evening. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


End file.
